Which one are you?
- The Social Stoner: You know the type, the person who only smokes when they aren’t the one buying. They will never turn down a smoke session but will never buy their own stash.
- The Pro: This stoner can smoke for hours on end. Their tolerance is so high that they can smoke all day, every day and still appear sober. They never tap out and are always down to chill.
- The Noob: Takes two hits and passes out. The Noobs are the ones who keep saying that they are “tripping” and seem to be permanently glued to the couch. Their eyes are thin slits.
- The Snacker: The stoner who eats everything in sight. They may say that they aren’t hungry or just ate but they end up eating everything in the fridge.
- The Lone Girl Stoner: Sometimes there is only one stoner chick in the group. That is not to say that women don’t smoke but if you’re a female, you have probably been the only one in a smoke sesh at least once.
- The Pretend Stoner: The guy who smokes marijuana but does not inhale. They are the person who says that they don’t feel any effect even though they have been smoking for hours. Typically they don’t really get much smoke per hit.
- The Paranoid Smoker: The stoner who smokes and then gets super buggy. They constantly think that they are either going to get in trouble or that they are too high. They tend to be really jumpy and are quick to bail.
- The Zonked Stoner: This person smokes and gets the ultimate couch lock. They can barely move but look so at peace that they display true stoner goals.
- The Wannabe Stoner: Although not technically a stoner, this person is just all about the vibes. They like to be around stoners and like the overall atmosphere but never actually take a hit.
- The Knowledgeable Smoker: This is the stoner who has tried everything and can even name the origin, type, and effects of each stain. They have extensive knowledge on all things cannabis and are always eager to share what they know with whoever will listen.
Bonus:
- The Headass Stoner: *Hits Blunt* “Do lizards have nipples?”
- The Lighter Thief: Not to be confused with those who accidentally pocket a lighter during a sesh, “The Lighter Thief” is a different, more nefarious creature. Their actions are intentional. You know who you are and I hate you.
Tell us what stoner archetype best describes you in the comments below and feel free to add any ones we skipped.
the Haze 